Dating a smart girl
“I’ve been told by well-meaning relatives: ‘Don’t talk about work on a date, dumb it down, and it’s bad to earn so much money because guys will be scared of you.’ And I got the word ‘intimidating’ a lot,” said Alexis, a 35-year-old lawyer in San Francisco. Nearly half of single women believe their professional success is intimidating to the men they meet.
Put another way, many high-achieving women think their success is not helping them find love.
The stereotypes are powerful, and many high-achieving women have created similar strategies.
When Zara, a 26-year-old business school student, was an undergraduate at an East Coast Ivy League school, she and her friends used to fabricate identities that they assumed would be more attractive to men. My friends and I pretended we were from Southern Mississippi State University — which doesn’t exist as far as I know — and put on southern accents to top it all off. We thought they’d be intimidated if they found out where we really went to school.
It said: “Even those men who are not perceived by women as physically attractive may receive positive speed-dating decisions, if only those men seem intelligent.
“Males demonstrate a clearly different approach to mate selection.
Really, we’re traditional in a lot of ways and are afraid of being judged negatively like that.” Given this prevalent conventional wisdom, it perhaps comes as no surprise that the romantic lives of accomplished women make front-page headlines only to tout bad news.
But they discovered men placed more emphasis on physical appearance.
A woman of good intelligence helped distinguish her from her counterparts, but the cleverer a woman was they found she had to be equally beautiful to be worth pursuing.
“Men Prefer to Wed Secretary” announced UPI newswires in late 2004.
“Too Smart to Marry” read the headline in the a few months later.
In 2002, Sylvia Ann Hewlett presented a study of high-achieving women who weren’t marrying or having children at the same rates as other women.